No Status Quo Marriage: Physical Affection
How do you know Mommy and Daddy love each other? I asked my children this question, and here are their first three answers.
1. You kiss each other.
2. You hug each other.
3. You snuggle.
Their response to this question opened my eyes to how much our physical affection to our spouse shows love in our children's eyes.
Our children are watching. We are showing them how a marriage is supposed to look. Our daughter is learning how her future husband is to treat her, by watching how her daddy treats her mommy. She is learning how to pour into her husband by how much (or how little) her mama pours into her daddy. Our son is learning how to treat his wife, by watching how his daddy treats his mommy. What a responsibility we have to model a loving, respectful, passion-filled, and successful marriage!
Yet, too often we are not intentional and purposeful in how we treat our spouse. Many marriages are existing in status quo. Our marriages are passionless, and we are not engaging the heart of our spouse. So many of us are stuck in a rut, and we don't know how to reclaim our marriage.
Marriage is a gift. No matter how hard it is at times, or how much your spouse drives you crazy at times, this man beside you is to be treasured and valued above all else. It is our relationship with our spouse that we should nurture most. Too often we put our children first, neglecting the relationship with our spouse. Putting our spouse first impacts our children more than anything else. It gives them security, confidence, harmony, love, and worth.
There are many ingredients to a happy marriage. It takes effort from both sides. Don't just wait for your spouse to give the effort, decide to reclaim your marriage by taking the steps necessary to move beyond status quo.
One intentional step to a no status quo marriage is physical affection. Physical affection breaks down walls. So, no matter how hard your marriage is right now, or how mad you are at your spouse, intentionally showing physical affection will help to bring back the passion, which will impact all areas of your marriage. Do not hide your affection for your spouse behind closed doors. Be affectionate to him, intentionally, in front of your children! This is an outward display of your love that speaks volumes.
Be intentional to:
*Give your spouse a hug as often as possible. And don't just give them the rushed hugs that we have become accustomed to in our busy lives. Wrap your arms around him, nuzzle your face in his neck, and stay there. It's good for the soul!
*Kiss your spouse. When in passing, or when saying hello or goodbye, take the time to give him a kiss.
*Snuggle. Take small moments of time to STOP and SNUGGLE. When it's after work, and you are talking about your day, snuggle on the couch while you talk. When it's almost time to leave for work, and you are discussing the agenda for the family for the day, STOP and SNUGGLE. Watch a movie as a family, and make sure you are sitting by your spouse and snuggling.
*Sit on his lap. At the dinner table, on the recliner, outside on the patio, don't always sit in a different seat. Sit right on him!
*Hold his hand. When walking together, hold his hand. When sitting next to him, hold his hand. Remember how much we loved to hold his hand when we were dating? Don't let holding hands be a thing of the past!
*Pat him on the butt. It is amazing how far a little pat on the butt goes for a man. It shows him he is the only one for you and that he still has "it"! This simple gesture really shows respect.
If your children think your physical affection is "gross", then you are doing your job. I promise they really do like it deep inside. Your kids desperately want you to have a no status quo marriage. More than anything, they want to know their mommy and daddy love each other.
No matter how long you have been married or how old you are, keep pouring on the physical affection. Don't grow complacent with your spouse, or before you know it, you've gone way too long since you held his hand or kissed him. Being able to have physical affection with your spouse is one way our marriage relationship is set apart from all the others! Kissing my husband or patting him on the butt is a right that only belongs to me! Enjoy your right! And see how it transforms your marriage and your children's lives.
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Enjoy the marriage you were given. Live your best life. Now.